Chapter X

We had been home for almost 5 weeks when it happened. It was more or less inevitable… end school until an hour later on Fridays, thus leaving us all by ourselves. We went up to the bathroom, like we oftenly did these days, and started caressing our bodies, playing tightly against eachother, letting the cool and soothing water run down our hot flesh.

John whispered something in my ear while sliding his manhood between my naked thighs.

I lovingly fulfilled his request when getting down on my knees in front of my son's erect penis, parting my lips, and taking his tool inside my silksoft mouth. I heard him give out a moan of pleasure as I knowingly played my tonuge around his tip, swirling it, tasting every drop of pre-cum he was producing.

Together we had made lovemaking not only pleasurable, but an art as well. Together we had discovered new things with our bodies, revealed things to eachother about ourselves. We had learned what felt good, and how to stick to this loving feeling, holding on to every second of it. We had learned eachother's signals. I knew exactly what to do to make my sucking as pleasurable as possible. John on the other hand knew exactly how to stimulate me to madness, keeping me on the verge with his fantastic tongue and magic fingers. And when it came to the penetration, he had learned how much pleasure he could give me by changing rhythm and motions, especially rotating his hips. I had learned how to use my vaginal muscles anew on my new lover, clamping them tightly around the intruder, welcoming it with lovely milking and sucking motions.

I felt he was close, and wanting some pleasure myself, I sat down ontop the bathtub, parting my aged, but still slender legs. John knew what I wanted and expertly performed his pleasure giving on my slit, playing with his wet fingers inside it while licking my erect clitoris. The secret place he had gotten to know so well.

Then it was time, time for the actual lovemaking. I stayed in that position while John got down on his knees, his member pointing straight at the entrance to my pussy. Then he entered me, sawing inside me so mercyless but so wonderful, like he had done for more than 4 months each day, and night. His hands massaging my breasts, that had swelled some, allready showing the early signs of my pregnancy, his fingers occasionally reaching down for my clitoris which he had learned how to stimulate so expertly.

"Ohh John…don't…don't stop…"

He knew I was close and with that he started off with an intense pounding inside my soft flesh which had become so slippery from the water and the excitement.

When I finally came, he moved down between my legs, sucking in my exposed and sensitive clitoris between his lips while my climax made my whole body jerk with wonderful spasms…

I felt the aftermath of the orgasm overflow my body with that loving and pleasurable tiredness…but I knew John needed me. Slowly, not disturbing the wonderful moments, I got down on my knees again, facing Johns erection, wet with my own love liquids and the spraying water from the shower. Once again I took it inside my mouth, sucking at the so sensitive and purple tip, swirling my tongue, then milking it hard with my sucking motions, tasting my own juices on his love pistil.

His panting grew louder and faster as he approached his climax. I looked him in his glassy eyes, and I knew what he wanted. I leaned myself backwards, parting my lips, holding his member in a tight grip inches away from my mouth, my other hand tightly squeezing his sac. Then the first squirt came, entering my mouth, and another and another…his hands grabbed my head, holding it in place, as strings of clinging sperm formed between my lips and the tip of his penis.

I had learned that, even though it felt a little strange doing this, John liked seeing me when taking his semen in my mouth, seeing me play with it on my tongue and lips, then swallowing it. He said 'it made him cum harder', and it sure did. I had gotten accustomed to taste his sperm several times a day and night, and I had more or less become an addict to it. It made me happy knowing I could please my son even greater by putting on a little show…

After playing with his love cream for his eyes to see, he moved my head towards his penis, my lips engulfing it, sucking the last oozing drops of his cream, swallowing the baby making milk, with which he had so lovingly inseminated me more than 3 months ago.

No! It couldn't be. Oh no!… my body jerked as the vision in the doorway finally was registered in the corner of my eye. It couldn't be!!!…

I tried to hide myself, wanting to warn John, whose penis was still inside my cum soaked mouth. I didn't manage to say a word, only letting him slide out of my mouth as I turned my head to see the figure standing in the doorway, a drop of sperm dribbling from the corner of my mouth, landing on my naked breast. John was still in the aftermath of the orgasm and didn't notice the presence until I finally, whispering, managed to pronounce the name of my son, arrows of pain striking me…shame, guilt and fear.

"Tim…!"

Finally John noticed his brother as well, he tried to hide his nakedness, but to no avail. What we had done only moments earlier, was a fact. Tim was all red on his young face, then instantly he turned around and left the bathroom, leaving me with my hart beating like it wanted to leave my body.

We quickly washed off and dried ourselves, not a word exchange until we were clothed, me only having a robe on which had gotten somewhat wet from my still water soaked body. Then John broke the silence…

"Ma, what should we do… I…I…he saw us…", he was nervous, almost shaking, looking both afraid and expectantly at me, and I knew it was me who should deal with it.

"I…I really don't know…I… I'll take care of it… just…do whatever you have to…go to your room or do anything…"

With that I rushed out, to 'take care of it', but how? Tell my son that what he had seen wasn't true, that it was an accident… what should I tell him…but most of all there was the question how it was possible that he had entered the bathroom when the door was locked? I allways took that precation…never leaving anything to chance…

"Tim?", I knocked on his door, but there was no answer, so I entered. He was looking out his window, not paying any attention to me.

"Tim…" I waited for him to give a signal, to tell me he knew of my presence and wanted to talk or listen to me, but there was no such signal, he just kept staring out his window.

I got closer to him, putting my hand friendly on his shoulder. I didn't know how to tell him, how to start…but I had to say something…

"…what you…saw today, was…was never meant to be seen by you, by anyone. I have taught both you and John that there shouldn't be any secrets or things hidden from the other members of the family…however…this is one thing I never wanted you to see…"

I waited to see how he would react, but he showed no sign of reaction…I figured since he didn't want to talk and wanted to be stubborn, maybe I should do it the hard way…

"…I have also taught you about privacy…now tell me, why did you unlock that door…and don't tell me you didn't because I know it was locked…and I have taught you it's a bad thing not to respect privacy, and it's a bad thing not to knock before entering someones room…especially the bathroom"

Finally he turned around, his eyes meeting mine, ogling me. I had never before in my life felt such a shame and guilt as his young and innocent eyes met mine, looking hurt and somewhat betrayed.

"It was because I wanted to know. I wanted to see if it was true…true that you were…that you were doing it with John."

His face turned red, showing the blushing as he said that.

"But I never expected it to be true…"

Now, once again I felt the devastating feelings overflow my body, hopelessness, disgrace and pain.

"…it is…and I can't deny it…what…what you saw…is true…but I am ashamed of it, I don't know what to say to you…or what to do…I never wanted you to see me this way… Ohh Tim…why did you have to open that door…"

I could feel the tears fill my eyes…why…why did he have to see me…I had taken precations…I had done everything in my power to keep it a secret…why?

"Tell me…why?!"

"Do you really want to know? Do you? It was because I wanted to see with my own eyes if it was true or not… ever since the time of you birthday when we went swimming there has been something wrong. I saw you and John…but I was too far away swimming…and I never thought you had really done it with him. After that, something felt wrong. You didn't talk to me anymore, you just kept yourself away from me, not wanting me to be around."

I felt a burning pain as he reflected on that. I knew I was not only guilty for the mere act I had been discovered doing with his brother, but I was guilty for neglecting my duties toward Tim. It was true. Sometimes it felt like I just didn't want to have him around me any more. I just wanted to be together with John all the time, avoiding Tim. Now when he said those words, it felt like I more or less had wanted Tim never to exist. My tears started running down my cheek as I no longer could control the burden.

He saw the tears, but went on…

"Then, 1 week ago, I went to the bathroom at night. I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom…it was you and John's voices…moaning…these sounds came in the morning too, and John never returned to his bed. In fact he hasn't slept in it a single night since I heard the sounds the first time…and your bedroom door was allways locked. Then sometimes you would lock yourselves up in the bathroom several times a day, sometimes the shower was on, sometimes not…now…I don't know much about these things…but I wanted to see if what I… suspected was true…"

His eyes met mine, looking at me questioningly and demanding.

"Now I know it's true…"

I sat down on his bed, feeling destroyed, finished, tears running down my cheeks uncotrolably, soaking my face which I covered with my hands, giving up, my sobbing the only sound in the room except the constant buzzing of the fan.

After what seemed an eternity, I felt him beside me on the bed. Then his arm came protectivly around me.

"…I…I'm so sorry Tim…I…what will you…think of me…from now on…you'll hate me for seeing me do it…do it with your brother… ohh Timmie…I'm so sorry…"…my sobbing went on as a new torrent of tears flooded my face.

He pressed me close to him, finally I let go, I needed a shoulder to cry on…and it was here for me…

"…I'll never hate you mom…I could never do such a thing…"

Then I was in his arms, and he in mine. Mother and son consoling eachother.

I had calmed myself. We were still in Tim's bed, his arm still around my shoulders, pressing me against him. I still had my head on his shoulder, but when parting a little from him, I saw the tent in his pants, he was hard. Then I realised that my robe had parted somewhat in the front, and in the position we had been in, he had a full view of my naked breasts.

I moved away from him, closing the robe around me, but his arm was still around me, pressing me close to him. Then his other hand moved down to the front of my robe and opened it, just like before. I was surprised by the sudden act of his, but got even more surprised when I felt his hand move on my naked skin, only to finally grab my swollen breast in his hand, squeezing it gently as he continued looking down my cleavage.

"Tim, what do you think you are doing?", with that I grabbed his hand and pulled it up from under my robe, trying to break free. But he held me too tight.

"No, wait…" once again his hand started it's voyage down my cleavage, parting my robe so that my breasts hang loose, fully exposed, only to be grabbed by his hand.

"I love you mom…I love you so much that I could die for you…"

Once again I took his hand away, looking him in his eyes.

"Please don't…" I heard myself saying.

"Why…can't you see…ever since we were at the lake and I saw you…naked…I've had these thoughts…I've dreamt…each night, thinking of you…but I never thought you would want me…but now…when I saw what you and John were…"

"Tim, this doesn't change anything between us. What happened between me and John is a separate thing. Don't even think that what you dream of would come true. It's bad."

"Why mom?"

His hand went back to my breast, this time I took it away and held it in a steady grip. Suddenly I felt his lips around my nipple, sucking at my breast, nursing me like he had done so long ago. I let go of his hand and tried to pull his head away, but his hands were around my back pressing me tight to him…

"Please Tim. Don't do this…please stop…"

But he didn't, and I gave up, feeling the tears filling my eyes. After several moments I felt his body pressing me down in bed, and I knew what it was all about, I knew what he wanted to do. His hands worked febrile on my robe, finally parting it fully, then his hands went down to his pants, working on his belt…

"No Tim! Don't do this…stop…don't do this to yourself…don't do this to me…please Tim…stop right now before it's too late"

He didn't listen to me. Somehow I managed to get him off my upper body, only to find myself covered with his body, pressed down against the bed again.

"I wan't you mom…I need you…"

"No Tim…don't…stop…let go of me…", my voice trying to make him obey me…my hands pushing his shoulders away trying to part him from me, trying to stop the horrible act which was about to come…

"Why mom? You did it with John…why won't you do it with me?"

I heared his angry voice close to my ear as his body pressed down on me…

"No Tim…it's not the right thing…you're my son…it's bad…"

"So is John…and if you've done it with him…I saw you…I even saw you take his thing inside your mouth, I even saw him shoot his stough in your mouth…if he can do it, then why can't I?"

With that, his jeans were free and he lowered them a few inches.

Once again I tried to break free, but I didn't succeed, it felt like all powers I had, had left me when Tim had found me in the bathroom with John.

As his pants was pulled down, I felt his manhood spring free as it hit my belly, the same belly which he and John had once been inside, and in which John's and my child now was growing. I surrendered, feeling the shame and guilt overflow me, as the tears ran down my cheeks to my ears, into my wet hair.

Yes, it was true what he had seen, it was true that John was not only his brother but my son as well, but did that justify the act Tim was trying to perform on me. What did this make out of me? A monster?

I felt his penis tickle the entrance to my slit, then he pushed, missing my hole, once again pushing, failing, then with one plunge he entered me, the depravity fulfilled, the penetration a fact. A pain striking my body as he reached as deep as his young erection could go, but the pain wasn't physical, it was mental. I felt that all I had done these years for my sons, my love, affection and all tenderness was gone. Tim would come to hate me, he wouldn't want me to be his mother, but a sex object. He would come to hate his brother… all the love that had been between us would die, just because I had had a weak moment on my 36:th birthday…a day I would never forget.

I was on my back in bed, Tim's limp body covering mine, his warmth spreading to me, his panting mouth close to my ear. It was done, we had reached the point of no return. I had let my own son, so fragile and innocent take me, do me like he had dreamed. I had read boys fantisized about making love with their mothers, I knew that John and I had fallen for the temptation. But there was no intention of mine that I would let little Timmie do it…but now it was a fact, as clear as the virginal and incestous sperm I had in my belly. My son's forbidden seed. The seed which was supposed to be available for any woman, except me. But now it was inside me, it's way blocked by his semi-erect penis which he still had plugged inside my flesh. He would remember me forever, as the first woman he had been inside…his very own mother…something he could never tell a sole…

"I love you mom, I love you so much…"

"No Tim, don't say that…don't say that…" I whispered in his ear…

He emptied himself once more after that, this time it wasn't as febrile as the first time. He was ready in moments after his first time, just like John was, like any young boy. But there was no pleasure for me to gain, I could have let myself go, float along, to share the wonderful moments he was having, but I didn't want to, I couldn't allow myself to do that…

I was caressing his beautiful hair as he still lay ontop of me, his member still inside my sperm soaked cave. I could hear his calm breathing in my ear as he dozed off in the aftermath of his orgasm.

Was this it? The end of the past? Would he ever love me the way he did before? Would he think of me as his mother, or would he treat me like a nobody…one thing scared me. He didn't love me the way John did, he had seen me with his brother and wanted the same as well. He didn't se me as a lover, a true lover, but a…a bad woman…a whore…

It was the first time Tim hadn't listened to what I told him. I had asked him, begged him not to do it, but his urge was too great. It was the first time I had been taken against my will. No, this wasn't a rape, one shouldn't think of it that way. It had been different with John the first time. I had wanted him, needed a man, and he was the only one who loved me so much. I guess it could never had been Tim. He loved me as much as John, but I didn't see the man in him that I saw in John, the man I needed so bad. I saw a child, innocent and afraid, naive and too sensitive. He had been obsessed by me when we had taken that stupid bath in the lake. Now when he found out about my relationship with John, he wanted it too. He wanted me as well. What scared me was that he didn't even listen to me, he crossed my will. On the other hand I knew that what he had done, would never had happened if he hadn't found me with John in that dreadful moment. When seeing what John was doing he wanted it as well, he was after all young and unexperienced…he thought that if John could do it, then it was allowed for him too…I knew, that if I would have been able to stop the process, then he would have hated me forever and he would hate his brother…I don't know how he would react now… after he had gotten his will thru…

But what did it matter any more…what was right or wrong… it was done, and there was no return… no way to change history…

On the other hand I didn't want to become something my two sons could use whenever they wanted. I still had my pride, I didn't want to be a hole in which they would put their penises and relieve themselves inside…I didn't want to be…a whore…even though it felt like I was one at this very moment…

Tim had moved so he was beside me, his limp penis hanging on my naked thigh, still coated with our mingled juices. He was sleeping by my side, embracing me, his breathing sounding calm and satisfied…the warmth tickling my nipple.

Gently, not disturbing his sleep, I got up from the bed, wrapping the robe around me. I was exhausted. When walking to my bedroom, I could feel some of the semen Tim had deposited inside me trickle down my leg as it gushed out of my vagina from the friction and pressure from the sudden movements. Again I was reminded of what had happened only moments ago.

I finally found John in the old barn. He was taking care of Blackie his horse…

"John."

He turned around instantly then ran up to meet me, embracing me, seeking some sort of confort.

"Oh mom…what do you think will happen…do you think he will tell?"

I parted myself from him, looking him in the eyes…

"No, he won't…even though I wish he would…"

"How can you say something like that…what about us? What about our child?"

"Ohh John…I don't know…I don't know if you want me anymore…or the child…I'm so confused…"

"What do you mean mom?"

Finally I couldn't hold it any longer, my tears flooding my cheeks as I let my head fall, looking straight into the ground.

"John..Oh John…the reason…why he wont tell…is because he's a part of it now…"

"How?", I could feel the sound of fear in his voice, like he knew what would come next and what I was about to say…

"He did me…I had to let him do it…otherwise, I don't know what he would do…I was afraid John…"

"WHAT?!, you did what?"

"I couldn't help it John…please believe me when I say I didn't want it to happen…but Tim wouldn't listen to me…he wouldn't tell anybody…he just wanted one thing, me…"

"How could you ma?! How could you do it?"

"Please John…try to…"

"…understand?", he interrupted, "Understand what? I loved you mom! How could you do this to me…I thought you loved me. All the talk about me being your man, about being lovers…hell, you're even pregnant with me and you…you…fuck Tim right in front of my nose…"

I could see the tears forming in my son's eyes…it wasn't until now I realised the extent of the damage I had done…I wanted to hug him to confort him, but my effort was rewarded with a push.

"I'll kill him!", he said…starting for the house, but I jumped in his way.

"No John…stop right now…it wasn't Tim's fault…I let it happen…it was my fault…"

"You're just saying that to protect the ashole!"

"No John…No, please listen to me…he was jealous of you… he has known for a long time what we were doing…"

"But how could you let him do it?", John almost yelled at me…

"Please…listen to me John…try to understand…if I wouldn't have let him…then I don't know what crazyness he would have done…what he would have said…it could have ended really bad…"

His tears flooded his face as he let go…

"Mom…I thought you loved me…you promised me I could be your man…I thought that meant that you would be the only one with me like I would be with you…ever…"

Finally he hugged me close to him…his body shivering as he let his anger and dissappointement show…

"…mom…"

"…yes John…"

"At least, promise me you'll never do it with him again… ever…promise me that…"

"…I can't John…you know he will come for more…just like you…he's not different from you…"

"But I don't want him to…to put it inside you…again…I could never make love with you again…"

"I can't make that promise John…I can't…he won't listen to me…just like you didn't listen to me the first times…he will want more of it…and if I stop him, I don't know what he might do…"

"But mom! You're mine! Only mine!"

"Yes John…you're the only one in my hart…but when it comes to the other part…I will always be there for you…but at worst…"

"No! I don't want him to do it…it's disgusting…"

"What's disgusting John…please be reasonable…I'm only trying to protect us…what when he finds out about our child…don't you think he'll put 2 and 2 together… what do you think will happen then…It will never be like with you… but you have to understand that he might want me to do these sorts of things with him…but never forget…I love you more than ever…and I will allways be there for you…anytime…"

"No…never…I don't want to share you with anybody!"

"I'm sorry John…I don't know what we could do otherwise… it's the only way…"

I never expected the discussion to take such a turn…never did I think that my eldest son would slap me in the face and call me a "fucking whore"… never ever…